when jack bauer heard a rumor that bigfoot existed, he killed him. jack bauer isn't tough as nails, nails are as tough as jack bauer. jack bauer doesn't require food, he runs on nuclear energy. jack wanted to name kim "covert-ops," but terri won the argument. that's why terri is dead. You don't want to have any relationship with Jack Bauer, friendship or otherwise, it will get you killed.
When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack Bauer found it and put it back.
Jack Bauer won a game of Connect Four in three moves
Jack Bauer has counted to infinite. Twice.
There have been no terrorist attacks in the U.S. since Jack Bauer showed up on television.
When Jack Bauer dies, God will ask Jack Bauer to save heaven.
The government raises gas prices in order to pay for Jack Bauer's cell phone bill. When gas prices are high, you know Jack Bauer is working.
Jack Bauer would win the World Series of Poker because nobody bluffs Jack Bauer.
It was actually Jack Bauer that brought down the Berlin Wall.
The 1980 US Hockey Team beat the Russians only because Jack Bauer was threatening to torture all the Russian players' families if they didn't let the US win.
Jack Bauer tortured the Blackberry executives to reach a settlement so he could use his Blackberry to contact Mike Novick in Season 5.
Jack Bauer hasnt taken a piss in nearly 120 hours... so we know he has a bladder nearly as big as his balls!
Jack Bauer is the reason Waldo keeps hiding.
when Jack Bauer reaches Airport security, they give him a gun.
It takes 8 minutes for Jack Bauer to drive the longer length of California--not because he was speeding but because everyone moved out of his way and the road straightened.
If a team of Jack Bauer clones played a team of Chuck Norris clones in the Super Bowl, the JBs would win. Although having the ability to roundhouse any opponent into submission, Chuck would lose after each Jack would convince the opposing Chuck norris that he was actually on Chuck’s team and convinced each one to do a simultaneous death punch to the Chuck on the left, leaving a team of Jack Bauers against one Chuck Norris, who is convinced to score for the other team. Jack wins 140 to 0, but his woman dies.
Jack spent years inside the Nazi death camps, honing his prison-breaking skills. When asked why he didn’t help the other prisoners, Jack replied, “I do NOT have time for this”.
John Lennon, JFK, and MLK Jr. all tried to hit on Jack’s daughter Kim. The moral lesson is obvious.
If everyone did what Jack Bauer told them, the show would be called "12"